Have you ever known someone who has a defeatist's attitude? Every thing out of their mouth is negative and every situation they encounter has someone who doesn't like them, they just know it. It's difficult to get through to someone who is the consummate victim. When you are getting over the pain of losing someone you loved, a natural amount of grieving and sorrow is normal. It's when people get stuck in the, I'm-so-hurt-I'll-never-get-over-this mode, that it's time to have an attitude adjustment. Look, no one wants to feel the heartache that goes along with the end of a relationship, but it becomes you attitude towards it that will make you or break you. The longer you continue to prolong the healing and allow yourself to wallow in the memories and injustices, the longer you will keep yourself in a miserable rut and the longer you stop yourself from enjoying your life. Cop an attitude of strength, belief in yourself and excitement about your future and you will be well on your way to living it. It's all in what you tell yourself!
So often I hear people say, "I feel so awful, I'll never get over him/her." You do know that eventually you will get over them, don't you? Grieving is normal. It's when you get stuck in this stage of healing that causes people so much unnecessary pain. I'll never forget the time when I felt horrible, I felt stuck and I couldn't give up my misery. I was holding onto the past as if it was a life line. And then came along the words of wisdom that only a sister can bestow upon you. She said, "You were actually really miserable in your relationship, you weren't getting very many of your needs met, and you know that eventually you'll get over him just as you did the last guy. So instead of crying over this jerk, why don't we go out and celebrate?" And that's exactly what we did, we celebrated that fact that I had a new start and I would never have to put up with all of the things that were making me unhappy. We celebrated that it ended when it did and I didn't waste another 2, or 5 or 8 more years trying to make a relationship work that was clearly not what I deserved. So dry your tears, get your closest family or friends and celebrate the fact that you now have a chance of putting your life back on track. And going forward your tears will be tears of laughter and joy, not of sorrow and pain.
If you're in a relationship for any length of time and your continually being hurt by your partner's behaviors, what makes you think that after all of this time you will get them to change. If you are unhappy and you choose to stay, then you need to accept what this person is doing, live with it and quit complaining about it...that is if that's all you believe you deserve, because chances are very slim that you will ever get what you want from them. On the other hand if you've done everything to try and make them understand how you feel and nothing changes, you need to face the reality that you will continue to be hurt and decide if it's worth it. Once you make the choice as to whether you should stay or go, you will be able to make the kind of healthy changes in your life that will put you well on the road to having what you want and what you deserve.
When you are sitting there and wondering why your relationship ended and thinking about how bad you feel, what words do you choose to talk to yourself about the situation? Do you say things like, "I feel awful, I'm depressed, why did this happen, I'll never get over this, my heart is broken, etc.? Or, do you say, "This didn't work out the way I wanted and even though it will be tough in the beginning, I know I will get beyond this pain." Or, "I know some way, some how, I will get beyond this heartache, I will find the strength inside and I will survive." What you say to yourself about any situation is exactly how you are going to experience it. So, if you are still feeling bad after the initial mourning period has passed and you are struggling with letting go, it's time to tune into what words you are using when you talk to yourself. You are the only one who can make a difference. Why not choose what helps you, not what hurts you?
If you haven't unloaded the garbage in your life yet, today is the day. There are negative circumstances, toxic people and destructive thoughts that can and should be eliminated from your life. Most people don't collect garbage, it stinks and permeates your life. If you've been surrounding yourself with people and situations that make you feel bad, bring out the worst in you or make you question your self-worth, it's time to put that kind of garbage in the dumpster. Hanging onto things and people that just don't work in your life will only keep you down. Let go of whatever it is that's holding you back so you can start to live your life with clean slate.
When your relationship ends, many times your ego is so shattered that you start to think there is something wrong with you. You may have a tendency to distort reality by diminishing your worth and aggrandizing your ex's qualities. The reality is that it may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with your ex and sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to. Realizing that you are not the one your ex chooses to be with is rejection at it's finest. It is probably the biggest hurdle to overcome when ending your relationship. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself up and questioning everything you did. You have to let go of what didn't work out and leave the past behind. By focusing on what if and why, you are living in a place that simply doesn't exist anymore, only in your mind. It's your choice as to where you focus your thoughts. Begin to look forward instead of behind you and you will be well on your way to getting to a better place in your life.
Your life. Your choices. There will always be things that happen in life that may not be what we planned. Many times we're devastated by them and we must learn to accept the reality that comes along with them. Like it or not, we are all on a journey to become the best that we can be and to live our lives with strength, love, forgiveness and gratitude. Throughout your lifetime you will be faced with situations that you will have to choose how you react. Learning to approach circumstances that happen from a positive outlook and knowing that you have to make the best of what you are handed in life will allow you to live a better life. If you choose to wallow in your misery and hold onto the way you wish things would've turned out, then expect a lifetime of being unhappy. Your life. Your choices!
At the time you're going through the pain of ending a relationship it can seem like it's going to last forever. When the reality is, what you are experiencing right now is not going to last a lifetime. Once the dust starts to settle and you can begin to see more clearly, what you will begin to realize is that you will get to the other side of this pain. Take the right steps in helping yourself heal your pain instead of doing what will prolong it, i.e. seeing them one more time, being alone and wallowing in the memories etc. The sooner you pull yourself out of this emotional quicksand the better you're going to feel. There are books, coaches, friends and family who want to help you. It's your choice as to where you choose to focus your thoughts and how you choose to spend your time. Remember, you will move on from this, nothing lasts forever, not even a broken heart.
So many people are stuck in the past. They believe it's the present moment they're in as they are grieving their loss, but in reality, they are still dreaming about what was, what could've been and how they long for the past. Until you get very clear that what was is gone and it's you that is holding onto something that doesn't exist, (only in your hopeful imagination) you will remain stuck in the past because that is where you are focusing your thoughts. Each time you go backwards in your mind, bless the past, be thankful for what you learned and shift your thoughts to how you want your future to be. Remember, you are the only one who can do this for yourself. Change your thoughts and you will change how you feel.
I'm often asked for advice by people who are dating someone who is married. Forget the reasons why and how you got in this kind of situation, but now that you find yourself in it and you realize how miserable it is making you, what do you do? My most direct and simplistic advice is to: Tell them to get a divorce and give you a call and hopefully you will still be there. In the meantime, get about the business of moving on with your life so you at least have a chance of having the kind of relationship you deserve. By putting your life on hold for someone who you can't be with, you miss out on living.
Some days you may wake up and ask yourself, "How did I ever get myself in this situation?" Your next question should be, "What are the choices I've made in my life that have brought me to this moment?" When you realize that it's our choices that determine which direction we take our lives, it's makes sense, to choose wisely. Sometimes you may believe you've chosen wisely and things outside your control have changed the situation, i.e. you lost your job, your partner left you, someone stole money from you etc. The reality is that we attract into our lives everything we experience through what we believe, through what we focus our thoughts on. You may not buy that it's you that attracts all of your circumstances, but regardless, the Law of Attraction is still working whether you believe it or not. Getting in tune with what you think about and choosing your thoughts wisely, can make a huge difference in where you are going from here.
When you are really feeling down and out, the hardest thing to do is shift your thoughts to the goodness in your life. It's almost like your mind has taken over and no matter how hard you try you remain in an emotional funk. Start small. Just for one minute, choose something in your life that you have to be thankful for and really focus on how much you appreciate having it in your life. Look around your home, look at the wonderful people in your life, look at the state of your health, which so many people take for granted. Your thoughts control how you feel. So, when you think you can't pick up the pieces and you are really feeling bad, little by little think about what your are grateful for and it will be hard not to put a smile on your face.
I just talked with someone who said they feel sad and lonely all of the time. They miss their ex terribly and don't see the end in sight. You will naturally feel alone when your relationship initially ends. As time goes by you will start to experience better days and there may be times that you will fall back into an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. This is the time that you have to really concentrate on what you have to be thankful for. By putting your focus on what is good in your life and appreciating what you do have, will allow you to shift your thoughts from what makes you feel bad to what makes you feel good. It's all in what you constantly tell yourself about any situation.
When you take a look at your life, is this how you always imagined? Are you on the right track? Do the people in your life bring out the best in you and visa versa? If you are heading in the direction of living the way you desire, keep going. If you're not, what would have to be different for you to have what you want the most? Your life, and how you live it, is your choice. At any minute you can decide to do something different. Why not go after what you want and leave behind what you don't want anymore?
If you're lonely and sad, there's only one thing to do. Love yourself more today. So often, when we are missing someone, all of our focus is on them and we seem to forget that we are someone too. Loving yourself is the best gift you can give yourself and at the same time you can get closer to the best friend you will ever know. Do something special for you. You're worth it!
So often I hear people say, "I've done everything I can think of to make it work and they just don't seem to care." Ask yourself what you haven't done to try and work things out. If you've done everything you can think of and it still isn't working, now you have to ask yourself, "how much more of my precious time am I willing to give up in order to make this unhappy, unhealthy relationship work? If you are the only one trying, it's not a relationship, it's a one-way street. Unless you want to be miserable, perhaps you need to face reality. Relationships are about TWO people communicating, compromising and working toward a mutual goal of living a good life together. Is it worth you sacrificing your life to try and make someone be someone they're not?
Last night on 20/20, it was all about revenge. The bottom line is; the only person revenge hurts is yourself. Don't fall into incessant thinking of hurting someone or getting even with them. This negative thought process permeates all areas of your life and is devastating to your well being. Sometimes things just don't work out the way we want and how it ends isn't always fair. So, you either pick up the pieces of your life and move on, or you continue to allow the past to wreak havoc in your life. The best revenge is to live a great life. Change your focus to creating happiness for yourself instead of hoping for the worst in someone's life. Revenge is a big price to pay to get even for it's you who suffers the most.
Are you wondering when this pain is going to be gone? Let's look at the facts. There is no doubt that ending a relationship with someone you love is painful. It's also true that, no matter what, you have to go through the process. You can't avoid the stages of "letting go." But, what you do have control over is: how long you will allow it to go on. When you choose to continue to think about them, talk about them, go over and over what happened with them, etc.; you will hold on much longer. But...if you choose to take the right steps that will bring you closer to moving on faster, you will definitely shorten your grieving time. The bottom line, it's your choice.
Try no more! The only person you can change is yourself. If you're spending your time trying to get him/her to change into the person you wish they would be, you are simply wasting your time. What you see is what you get. If you are still hoping or praying that they will begin to be different, you need to hope and pray that you have the strength to fight an uphill battle.
I'm sure you do, most of us can't turn our feelings on and off like a faucet. The problem is you weren't being loved back! What a concept; a two-way relationship. Loving someone doesn't always guarantee they will reciprocate your feelings. Oh, I know...but they loved you before, right? Well, sometimes things just don't turn out the way we want them to. Sometimes we have to be honest with ourselves and admit that what we want from this person; they are clearly not providing. You have a lot of love to give but you are giving it to the wrong person, you are not on the same page. Let go of wanting something you can't have so you can find the love who wants to love you back!
So many people think that this feeling is going to last forever. They can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But, rest assured, you absolutely will get over this pain. Just know that, "This too shall pass." Make a decision to pick yourself up and move on to the next level. You are going to move on eventually anyway, so why not do it sooner rather than later. When you choose to put it behind you, will be the time you start on your journey to a brighter future.
Now is the perfect time to look forward and stop looking backwards. If your healing from a broken relationship, let go of the past and start this year off on the right path. There isn't anything you can do about what's over and past but you can direct where you go from here. Once you decide to move on, you can begin to free yourself from destructive thinking. Focusing on the past is futile, what's the point? Focus your thoughts on your future and know that it's all working out for the best.
2007 is right around the corner and the beginning of a New Year. Even though this has been tough to get through, now is the perfect time to put the past behind you and begin to live again. If it's over, pick up the pieces and let it go. Resolve to move on, so you can start living the life you deserve.
Do you have a choice? Sure, you can choose to stay stuck in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship or you can decide to move on to a better, brighter future. Or you can continue to go over and over what happened and never let go, then live your life through memories only. The end is just the beginning of an opportunity to take your life in any direction you choose. Things happen to all of us in life and it's all about how we handle them that makes the difference. No one ever said it was going to be easy. Breaking up is hard to do, but once you get beyond all of the stages of letting go, you have something very exciting to look forward to: the chance to have what you've always wanted, like a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life!
You can hold on forever if you want...but why would you want to? If your relationship has ended and an inordinate amount of time has passed and you are still talking about it, crying about it and you just won't let go; ask yourself how much longer are you going to keep yourself mired in your misery. How much more of your life are you going to waste in "wishing" things didn't happen this way? We all experience adversitites in life; you can choose to get over it and let it go once and for all or you can choose to remain the victim. Remember, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
If you find that the only conversations you have with people revolve around your ex and all the things they did wrong, when are you going to give it up? The initial shock and venting is one thing but if you are still talking about it after any length of time, it's time to LET IT GO! What's your point? There's nothing you can do about it now. Does it make you feel better or worse to go over and over the same old things? When you continually talk about how bad you feel and how sorry you feel about everything that happened; guess what? You are never going to feel good until you accept the fact that it's over and then go about getting on with your life. It's your choice.
Well, my guess is that you wouldn't be asking yourself this question if you were happy. It's one thing to go through the normal ups and downs that go along with any relationship, but it's another story if you are struggling with on-going problems that just don't seem to go away. If you've been trying everything you know to fix your relationship and if you've invested any significant time in trying to make things right; perhaps it's time to be honest with yourself about the kind of relationship you find yourself in. If you're not working toward mutual goals and want the same things from your relationship, maybe you are with the wrong person. Be truthful with yourself and you'll be glad you did!
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and if you're not already thankful for the goodness in your life, let tomorrow be the beginning for starting each day looking for those little things in your life that you have to be grateful for. When you live your life with an attitude of gratitude everything looks a little bit brighter, it even puts a positive spin on what isn't working. It really is all in how you approach the world; with either a positive or negative outlook. You choose!
Unless you have mutually come to the conclusion that your relationship should end; being friends is not a good idea. It will not only hurt the person who didn't want it to end but it will keep them holding onto the hope that there is a chance that things may work out. If you really want to be friends, allow some time to pass so you can heal. Then, if you still want to be friends...go for it!
That's okay. Cry, scream, do whatever, just get it out so you can let it go. Eventually you will find that you will cry less and less and be on your path to recovery. You are simply going through part of a very normal process of ending a relationship. Pain is inevitable, how long, is optional. Do whatever you can to stay busy. Occupy yourself with positive people and read anything uplifting. As your tears start to subside (and they will), you will find yourself moving toward a more fulfilling relationship and...that's nothing to cry about! It really will get better, just give yourself some time.
Even though you know it's over and it's inevitable that it will end; there is nothing quite like the final goodbye. Those last words, that one last look can almost be too much to handle. More than likely you will be overwhelmed with emotions; the tears will be flowing and guess what; it's all just part of the process. No one said it was going to be easy, but you can and you will survive all of this pain and heartache. Allow yourself the time to heal your broken heart and as time goes by each day you will feel better. Give yourself a chance to breathe again, you're going through a lot right now, but remember; this too shall pass. The end is a new beginning.
Stay busy. Even though you may not feel like doing much right now, you have to push yourself. Find things to occupy your time. Go out with friends, go to a movie, go to dinner, take a walk, take a trip, read a book, work out. Do anything! Just don't sit home and wallow in your memories. Every time you catch yourself thinking of the past, say, "Stop it!" And fill your mind with the things you are grateful for. It may take a little work at first but the more you do it the better you'll feel.
This is a tough one for a lot of people. Because you are dealing with so many emotions, i.e. anger, resentment, hurt, jealousy, rejection or whatever your personal feelings. Forgiveness may seem like a reach for you right now. But...when you can find forgiveness in your heart, it will be the one thing you actually give yourself; the freedom to release all of the painful emotions that go along with the "breakup." It won't happen overnight but, little by little, forgiving will help you to let go of the past so you can begin to look forward to a better future. The old saying, "Forgive and Forget" is truer than you think!
The truth will set you free. No truer words were ever spoken. If you can find a way to be honest with yourself about the kind of relationship you are in, you will be able to make a solid decision as to where you want your life to go from here. There is a big difference between what you want and what you have, get very clear on what you want and if it doesn't resemble what you have with this person, then, it's time to make a decision. You can choose to stay and continue not getting your needs met or you can take the tough first step forward to attaining the kind of life and relationship you really want!
You can and you will let go, but not until you think you can. The more you think about what you don't want and how bad you feel; the more you hold onto sadness and depression and the more you will continue to experience that which you think about. There is no doubt that it's difficult, but letting go of the past will allow you to move on. Begin to believe in yourself again and begin to believe in your future. Letting go is a decision to close the door on your past which will free you to walk down a path to a more fulfilling life. Remember it's your choice. Pain is inevitable, how long you suffer is optional.
Absolutely, without a doubt, you will begin to feel better; you just have to give yourself some time. Day by day, month by month as time passes, you will not only begin to feel better; your days will be filled with the hope of a brighter future. But...you have to do your part and that is: you must keep yourself busy, surround yourself with friends and family, do the things that you enjoy and be vigilant of what you're thinking. Right now it's hard to believe that you will ever get beyond this feeling. When you keep your thoughts positive and focused on what you want out of life; not on what you don't want; before you know it you will be feeling better soon.
If you tell yourself the truth about the kind of relationship you are involved in; you have a better chance of making "right" choices as to whether you should stay or go. When trying to determine the direction of your future, it behooves only you to be honest with yourself; otherwise, you are left with the consequences of living in a relationship that will continue to bring you unhappiness. Your hopeful imagination can leave you with false hopes
What is going on here? What is the fear that is gripping you? Generally, it's either fear of abandonment, rejection or loss; or all three. Everytime you pick up the phone you chip away at your self-esteem a little bit more. Stop yourself. Unplug the phone, and get a grip on the fact that you are tearing apart your foundation. Does it make you feel good to be so out of control? NO...it's devastating to your sense of self. You are worth so much more than lowering yourself to a level where you embarrass yourself. Start to love yourself more. If you have to cry yourself to sleep, fine. But, don't pick up the phone and continue to call someone who clearly isn't there for you. As painful as it may be...let go of the madness that has made you a prisoner in your own mind. Try to understand and define this fear. You are creating more of it in your life by feeding into it with your compulsion. Tap into and nurture your spirit, it will bring you to a higher place.
If it's over, it's over! Do whatever you can to keep it that way. Seeing him/her one more time or talking about things over and over again, not only keeps you tied to the person, it keeps the hope alive that maybe, just maybe, things will work out. If you've tried everything you could to work things out while you were in the relationship, what makes you think that things will miraculously work out now? Making a clean break allows you the freedom to heal your heart without complicating a confusing, painful situation. Give yourself some space so you don't postpone the inevitable.
Your ego will play havoc with you when letting go of a relationship. If you end it; and they never call; you are in disbelief. If they end it and they don't answer your calls; that's worse. It's hard on your self-esteem when you want to talk to someone you were in a relationship with and they won't even acknowledge you. What can you do; force them to talk to you? How long do you wait for them to call; or how many times do you try to call them? Let go if it's over. Don't let your ego dictate whether you are
So your relationship is over for whatever reason and you want to write a heartfelt letter, the this-is-how-I-feel-and-I-want-you-to-know letter. Most people say to write it and don't send it; let it be a cathartic exercise to get things off your chest, then to let it go. If it's that important to you to send it, then ask yourself, "What do I have to lose if I send it?" What good is it going to do? Do you simply want to tell them how you feel, or do you want to elicit a reaction? What is the reason you want to send the letter? What if you don't get a response to your letter; is that okay? If it's worth having the last word; then you decide if it will make a difference.
So many times we vacillate on our decisions when ending a realtionship as to whether we should stay or go. Decisiveness is what eludes us when trying to say good-bye. Making the decisions to leave years of your life with someone is difficult at best. The decision wouldn't be necessary if you were in a loving, mutually supportive, healthy relationship. You know when you're not happy; it's when you are feeling bad most of the time. If you find yourself wondering if this is all there is; or, why you are the only one trying to make things work; then it's time to put your cards on the table. Once you communicate your feelings; depending on if they are acted upon or ignored; should be your answer. Your final answer!
We all make choices at one time or another; and then later come to regret them. These regrets also come in the form of a lesson. Unless you learn something from your mistakes, you will more than likely make it again. Don't beat yourself up over it. You must learn to forgive yourself for not being perfect. Remember, we are all on a journey, our lives are a series of lessons through our experiences. I call it life school. When you understand that all of our choices come with consequences, the next time a decision arises, think through it carefully because on the other side of what you choose will become your reality.
Does the Last Conversation have to be Face To Face?
Why is it that you have to be face to face to say, goodbye? Do you forget what the person looks like? When you look into their eyes, do you need to be reminded one more time that they don't want to be with you? Or, do you want them to see the hurt and pain that they've inflicted into your life? The face to face talk is a very personal issue. Frankly, if you've been in a relationship for any length of time and you know it is a dead-end; seeing them one more time for "the talk" is a decision you simply have to make for yourself. If it makes you feel better, then what's one more day. If it will make you feel worse, is it worth it? If it's over, then it really doesn't matter what you say, just get it off of your chest and let this "face to face" be the closure you need to move forward.
When compromising in a relationship you find ways of meeting each others wants and needs without forfeiting you own. If you are doing all of the giving and them all of the taking; it's time to put your cards on the table. Once you define your boundaries, explain what behaviors you are willing to accept and what you will not tolerate; you will soon find out if you have a deal or no deal. Sometimes, gambling with your happiness just isn't worth it. So be prepared to walk away from the negotiating table and eventually you will find the perfect partnership with someone who wants to work the deal with you.
How many years of your life are you willing to try and make a lifeless relationship work? Is it 1 year or 2? Is 3 too many years or is 10 years too many? When do you finally wake up and say, "Enough is enough, I've tried every single thing I could possibly think of and it still isn't working." When do you face reality? If you are in a relationship and "still" trying to make things work and they "still" aren't working, what do you need to know in order for you to move on? How much more of your precious time are you going to give up in order to make things right? The irony is; if it hasn't worked out yet, unless you wake up; you may literally die trying.
It's one thing to be understanding and forgiving, patient and loyal; but when you are the only one in the relationship who is making all of the effort to work things out and your partner is the one who is making excuses for their behavior...then you are being taken advantage of. If you allow people to walk all over you; they will. We teach people how to treat us. So, if you are being disrespected, rejected or mistreated on an on-going basis and your partner does nothing to change; perhaps you need to tell them to wipe their feet on the doormat on their way out of your life.
You can be friends with your ex "only" if it doesn't hurt you to see them. If you want to be friends with them and the underlying hope is that just maybe things might work out in the future; then don't do it. You are kidding yourself and you'll be postponing the inevitable. It would be nice to be friends, but ultimately you have to protect yourself from any false hopes that will end up hurting you in the end. Allow yourself some time and space, give yourself a chance to heal your broken heart and then once you are on "your" road to recovery; if you still want to be friends; then you can give them a call. In the meantime, I'm sure you have enough other people in your life that you can be friends with; so call them instead and have them fill your time for now.
Depending on where you are in the "letting go" process you may feel as if you will never get over this pain. The good news is; you will survive and move on to a better life. The bad news is; it doesn't happen over night. Don't give up; right around the corner is a better future. As time goes by, you're heart will begin to heal and you will start to accept that you're relationship is over. That is the time that you'll let go of the past and move on to a new beginning. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Be patient with yourself and before you know it you will move on to a healthier, happier life. It will happen for you too!
This is a hard pill to swallow. We want what we want and it doesn't feel good when things don't work out the way we'd like. The difficult part is when you're staring at the reality of this rejection and and you still hold on. Frankly, this is normal. It's not as if you turned "your" feelings off, they did. You just have to allow yourself the time to heal these wounds and as you and your crushed ego begin to heal you will be on your way to finding a relationship with someone who actually wants you too! So swallow the rotten tasting pill of rejection and before you know it you will be feeling better soon.
If you are in a relationship for any length of time and you are "still" trying to change your partner; when is the light bulb going to go off? The only person you can change is yourself! Communicating your wants and needs is normal. Compromise should be a part of your relationship. If you're partner isn't trying to work things out with you on any level, you are walking down a one-way street. All of the crying, screaming and talking isn't going to change who this person is. It's like begging someone who is deaf to "please hear me." You can beg and plead all you want, but nothing you say or do is ever going to make this person hear. They are who they are and by now you should be very aware of who that is. So when you are looking to change someone; remember, if they haven't changed for you yet, chances are pretty good that it's not going to happen any time soon.
Many people I talk with struggle with facing the facts. They want things to be different so badly that they make excuses for the way things are. The other day I spoke with someone who continually tells herself lies. One of them is: she believes that he wouldn't cheat on her if he didn't have so much stress. (It's a release for him). WHEW! She also buys into the lie that he stays out late because he just can't sleep and he needs to stay busy. I know for some of you this may sound, well, plain stupid. But, the reality is: we will sometimes make bad things seem okay; so we don't have to face reality. Until she begins to face up to the facts that she is being fed a line of bull; she'll never be able to change a thing! So, the next time you are making excuses for them; ask yourself, what's your excuse for not facing the truth about your situation?
I was talking to someone today about why her boyfriend doesn't want to spend more time with her. I asked her if he used to spend more time with her in the beginning of their relationship and she said, "No." Can you believe it? Basically he likes to hang out with his friends, she said, "he's a guys, guy." And she's absolutely right. The red flags were there in the beginning, she just choose to ignore them and now she wants him to change. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. What you see is what you get!
